the heaviest of burdens

this is the pain of falling apart. we are what we make of ourselves and i am "here" because i was "there" at some point in time. i am stronger and more willing to love.

"the heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, it pins us to the ground… the heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become." ~the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera

i would never have known lightness till i learned how to bear the immenseness of your body on mine for every borrowed time, the weight of your stare piercing through me, dismissing my body and acknowledging my soul that is your soul when we finally drown inside a paper cup, the pressure of your hands against my breasts… that feeling of intimacy, my feeling of being owned and subdued and owned, the violence of your thrusts, your way of claiming my piece of earth, the tightness of your grip as we untangle our tangled legs from last night’s caress, the fierceness of words we stabbed on each other’s backs when we drew our last breaths to say the dreadful goodbye, the abruptness of forever when promises are drawn out of our mouths and spit to the ground.

if only we could hold the years and keep it in our pockets, i will never reach in for change.

the weight of the world is so much easier to bear than the lightness of the tangible "us".