the ghost of you



07.29.09
i saw an apparition of you today...
my heart skipped a beat, but kept close.
remember the promise i gave you?
that the spaces between your fingers
are my fingers
when all the world has fallen down...

well, my world has fallen down,
and your fingers are nowhere near mine...



home



07.28.09
it is my heart,
not the stars,
that will guide you tonight...



the face of hope




07.27.09
*entry from the exhibit on lrt*

this should have been the winner...
a painting that talks of hope...



free will



07.24.09
"the whole purpose of places like starbucks is for people with no decision making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. short, tall, dark, caf, decaf, low fat, non fat, etcetera. so people who don't know what they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95 get not only a cup of coffee, but an absolutely defining sense of self. tall... decaf... cappuccino!"
~joe fox, "you've got mail"



hollow



07.23.09
i am keeping myself empty
so that you can fill me
when we finally drown
inside a papercup...



if you can read my mind




07.22.09
i bury boredom under sheets of paper,
tuck it with the stack of folders,
mix it with paperclips and pushpins,
hide it under the desk
together with
papers for shredding...
...hoping boredom gets shredded too.


of birthdays and growing old




07.21.09
if i can hold the years
and keep them in my pocket...
i will never reach in for change.
but growing old happens
and the once innocent
is battered by time,
broken by failed promises,
bruised by the cynics
and made stronger by faith.
i am
full of faith.


happy birthday kuya luden!


one picture, one poem a day



so this is my new challenge... to take one picture a day, and somehow write something poetic about it. i seriously swear i'm getting dumber by the minute. i can't let my neurons die! i'm not certain as to how long i'll keep doing this but it's a good practice for me and my so-called writing... that and till i get a new inspiration...



07.20.09
i am trading empty bottles for a full heart,
the one that can make me overflow.



tucked in mid-air


how do they come to the
come to the
come to the God
come to the still waters,
and not love the one who came there with them...
~sharon olds, "sex without love"

our eyes moved in hunger, and it was not to fill the emptiness that sat in our guts. you were spontaneity and you attracted me completely.

so that was how it felt like to surrender to fate, letting myself get lulled by beer and your voice talking of your escape from home. you see, i am the world's sadness collector and nobody is there to collect my stories when its time for me to share. this is the comfort i found in strangers. i can let myself overflow.

...and so we shared the nights flying like airplanes, floating in smoke then plummeting to the ground, faster and faster, till we reached the center of the universe. the mornings were lazy as you whispered your silent wishes to god in my ear, your lips tenderly brushing my skin. i've never wanted to stay in bed so badly. afternoons were just as slow as we made something else other than love. how is it that you were able to stop time?

even when we moved out of the mountains and found rest in the heart of manila, you found a way to drown street sounds with the sound of your heaving breath.

i've never seen unrest conquered so easily by sleep and silence.
you suspend me in mid-air...



i just realized...



i finally completed the 30-day project. i even went over 30 and posted an extra...
(wink wink, nudge nudge luanne!)

...so what am i to do next?

***long retarded sounds plus drooling***



07.09.09 (the road to el hemp-o part 3)


***last installment... hehe!***

woke up early to go to church because it's my lola's birthday. then vitaly and i had breakfast at bana's cafe and met with our guide robert and headed out to sumaging caves. it's also known as the big cave and one of the main tourist attractions in sagada.


the descent wasn't as scary as what other say, although i was told that i'd be reeking of bat piss and shit. but then again, what do we expect of caves right? as we went farther and deeper into the cave, we saw the magnificent display of stalactites and stalagmites.


getting out was harder. again, my choice of footwear was not good and i kept on slipping on the sides of everything i step on to. i enjoyed the short ride halfway back to the town. i rode on top of the jeep, which was pretty daredevilish of me...


next, we headed out to bokong falls. it was a 30-minute trek across rice fields. i wasn't supposed to take a dip but i'm such a gullible person and was talked into it after 2 minutes of convincing.


i thought i tire easily of things but i found out that buttered chicken is good the 4th... er, 5th time around. we had a late lunch at bana's and had lemon pie i bought from the lemon pie house. it was pretty good (memo to self: must take picture of everything to be an effective blogger or something). the rest of the afternoon was practically for slacking off and the night for beers.

the next day was spent in transit. the bus was fine although it was a bit cramped up for vitaly. it took 6 hours for us to get to baguio and the road wasn't as good.

now if there's a place i'd relocate, it's going to be in baguio... i always had a thing for it. i hate cold places but somehow, i enjoy it a lot. so anyway, the reason why i had to stop over baguio was to get milkshakes at 50's diner... so before going our separate ways, vitaly and i had late lunch and to cap my seriously kick ass vacation, i had two orders of chocolate milk shakes!

07.08.09 (the road to el hemp-o part 2)


***finally, after eons of slacking off...***

i woke up with a bad hangover... so i went to sleep again. then i woke up after a couple of hours and realized i was hungry. and so like what my schedule said, i had breakfast at the yogurt house. next stop was to make a reservation for the buffet dinner at the log cabin. vitaly said they serve mean dinners for the price of 350php. i went there to find out that he already made reservations. nice... but i paid...

after breakfast, i decided to go back to the church. unfortunately, it was closed. so i went to the market to look for the bookstore indicated on my map... i wasn't able to find it. but then again, i found shamrock cafe, the restaurant i was looking for the other night which was reportedly closed already. i had coffee and met vitaly to go to echo valley.


this time, i knew where to turn. after 15 minutes of hiking, we got to the view point. took pictures and spied on the hanging coffins.


it is said by our tour guide that they have been doing this tradition for more than 2,000 years. they arrange the bodies in fetal position to fit the small coffin so that they are brought back to mother earth the way they came here. the cave is the earth's womb and should should face east where the sun rises.


after echo valley, we headed out to bokong falls. unfortunately, it rained and we figured it's kind of retarded to go swimming when it's raining so we decided to head back and stay inside and read our respective books.

by nighttime, we were ready for the buffet. we purposefully did not eat anything after sharing one order of buttered chicken for lunch. the french chef who owns log cabin totally reinvented filipino food... the meal was very gooood! every peso was worth it.


the rest of the night was practically spent getting drunk and watching terminator. i would tell more about the movie but somewhere along the way, i got really really sleepy. so i slept...

***yeah yeah yeah... tomorrow... i promise...***

06.10.09 (the road to el hemp-o part 1)

...it really took me about two weeks before writing about the recent trip i made to sagada (i haven't even started with the semi-asian tour before this), mostly because i was overwhelmed with the experience, and as expected, too lazy to just blog. well, this is me, blogging... or something.

as i was saying, after enslaving myself for three days, i decided to reward myself. the morning i got back from the office, i packed my bags and kissed my miserable room goodbye.

my first stop... banaue! i seriously didn't know what to do when i got there. but luckily, tour guides were waiting at the drop off point in front of banaue hotel. anyways, i found myself a guide named darwin, hopped on his motorcycle and started exploring this sweet part of mountain province...


he took me to a lovely restaurant where i had breakfast, met rebekah who was also touring banaue and sagada with her friends that day, then headed out to poitan village which is one of the remaining traditional villages in the area.


next stop was several view points of the famous banaue rice terraces. it was bad timing though... it was drizzling and the fog really got in the way of my camera and the wonderful sight.


so i decided to move on with my life and go to bontoc. unfortunately, i had to wait for the blasted bus for 2 hours. not to mention that the trip took 2 hours on the roughest road you can imagine. one thing is for sure, bontoc had to be left out. it was a good thing we had a stop over to take some pictures of bontoc's version of rice terraces. instead of mud used in banaue, this part of the province used stones.


the trip from bontoc to banaue took another hour. it was raining and i still had to register at the municipal hall. the backpacking couple i was with went on with their way and vitaly, another backpacker i met going to sagada, and i went off to hunt for my hostel.

after check in, i just had to have my late lunch. i have been craving butter chicken for the longest time and according to my research, alfredo's serve them. it was good but it wasn't all i was hoping for. they cook it with ketchup and of course, lots of loathsome butter. still, it was better than any fried chicken i would normally have in manila.

according to my trusty map, sagada is a cute little place you can walk around... my schedule for the day is to go to some village but i decided to change it since echo valley seemed closer to where i was standing, which was outside alfredo's, so i decided to get myself lost.

portion of echo valley i saw when i got lost in the middle of sagada's parallel universe. the cow is somewhere there... there...

and lost i was... how should i know left from right??? i found myself standing on a vast expanse of greenness with a water buffalo eating away for like 20 minutes... had the wrong choice of footwear so my slippers got sucked by mud and so i had to walk barefoot... and totally freaked out by the possibility of death by snakes. i went back and spent the entire afternoon sitting in front of the church trying hard to get artistic shots with my blasted point-and-shoot camera.


because sagada enjoys an 8:30 pm to 4am curfew, i had to quickly drag myself back to the hostel to freshen up and go out again to have dinner... drink beer... alone... blech! on my way home, i saw vitaly who was just about to have his dinner. i got myself dragged to a quaint bar and had more beer. this time, i had someone to talk to... yey!

well, since the title suggested it... yes, before i ended the first night, i got to have what sagada is known for... coolness right? er, maybe not, but what else is there in this twisted world? at least i'm going green...

***to be continued... hehe!***


05.26.09 (fucking wasted)

yes, that's about it... i'm totally wasted. i'm pulling a double shift for two consecutive days, plus an additional 8 hours after doing 16 hours on wednesday... i'm seriously hoping i will still be alive and able to go on a roadtrip by thursday morning. i'm going to the boondocks as a treat for myself!

go to baguio and eat at the 50's diner...
go to sagada...
see the banaue rice terraces...
see the hanging coffins...
and probably muster all courage i have to take a dip inside the cave lagoons...

i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

***pictures ripped from this site and this site***


05.22.09 (tsoko.nut)

i can see that this is the most retarded entry i will ever make...

it's my first time at tsoko.nut! ciemps binili ko ung chocolate drink nila kasi dun sila sikat e...


natuwa naman ako, in fairness... actually, the thing that got me going with the group is the aligue pasta. tagal ko na kasi di nakakakain nun e. keri naman cia, pero mas masarap pa rin ung luto ko. ahem!


er, puro pinoy foods ang drama nila. prices are kind of ok, from 70pokels*** up for sandwiches, 99pokels up for pasta and rice meals and 60pokels up for beverages.




baka bumalik ako, pwede din naman hindi. pero malamang babalik ako. may gusto pa akong i-try na iba dun sa menu. ahehe!
um, yun lang... meme naku...

***pokels - currency ng mga beckies


05.21.09 (your lips for chocolates)





once upon a storm,
i thought of you...
... and i swear i saw the sun.

~mila reyes garcia




05.19.09 (literary tattoos)

i'm itching to get a new one...

everything is beautiful and nothing hurt ~kurt vonnegut

so it goes ~kurt vonnegut
i am, i am, i am ~sylvia plath

or i can just have the hymn to isis etched on my back...
whatodowhatodowhatodo?

***all pictures ripped from this site***


05.18.09 (backfire)

oh-khay, i admit. i made a mistake. i went out last weekend with ronnie, karen, mark, jun, grace and rizelle (tama ba?). ate at big buddha and i almost drowned in red iced tea. bummed around time zone waiting for kids to run out of money so we can go inside the videoke room. and finally, watched "angels and demons". after seeing "the da vinci code", i assumed that the next film will suck. i mean, really suck. and then i finally got to see it.


now i am reminded to always make the words coming out of my mouth sweet, just in case i have to take them back. it was gooood... i mean, there are some inconsistensies but if you look at the film alone, it's very impressive. ugh! these things pain me...

or maybe because i've read the novel a couple of years back and that made the film ok for me...


05.16.08 (the perfect wedding song)



if i can't be the flower girl, then i might as well be the wedding singer! hrmpf! so i was looking for the perfect song and i can't find one. i was thinking of "if i am" by ninedays but it is too upbeat. then i thought of "could not ask for more" by edwin mccain but lots of people have used it already. then i decided to check my itunes... i found the pot of gold... i hope the newlyweds like this...



Look After You by The Fray

If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate

Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you

If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly

Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you

*sighs*

05.15.08 (repost)



making love shouldn't just be confined here...

you: we should create a place of make believe, a place of inner peace and refuge, a place that only we can share

me: like a haven... the island will be lined with trees... and you would make me a hammock. ive always wanted to lie in one

you: as long as we can lie in it together curled up in each others arms and basking in the beauty of life in this enchanted place

me: and we drown in the thought of how this world is so huge and immense and how little we are in the universe

you: but sometimes it is the littlest of things that make the biggest difference in life

me: but the idea of "you and me" can parallel the depth and the width of the universe and we find out that we are not so little after all... and we will make move the tiniest of flowers, the minutest of dust and we change the position of the stars in the universe

you: in this enchanted place of heaven on earth will we be vegatarians and live off the fruits of our harvest in an earthship house

me: and we would learn to nourish back the earth as it nourishes us

you: yes, and multiply the life on our island with the work of our hands

me: and with our palms we knead earth and fire and water and out of nothing we create life

you: do you think that in this place where you only have me you will grow tired of me and lonely for another?

me: no, my heart knows no reprieve

you: we can create life with each minute and hour, bringing existence to the uninhabited portions of the land. it is my hearts deepest desires to sew my seeds in this place to cultivate dreams, to inspire generations

me: to make his story and her story echo to the future...

you: and ring throughout the years

me: that the power of two can outlive civilizations of the old. we too, have survived the cynic times... you move like your fingers turning the pages of an old old book, gentle and quiet. me, looking at you as you absentmindly place your fingers to your lips, wetting it to ease the passing of time

you: enchanted is the path to destiny enlightening the way with each new step along your soft skin like the wind brushing past in a smooth even stroke leaving no part untouched, wetting my lips from the salivation of my tongue as I glare at you with desire

me: and i will love every square-inch of your body, like the water when it encloses me when i decide to drown with you

you: drowning in the sea of passion as the tides of our hormones overflow our senses and bring us to the point of total fantasy

me: and we let the tide overcome us, move us to the abyss... and we are one with the air... we become hollow and we have lost gravity

you: floating together arm and arm seperated from each other only by the confining restrictions of our skin as we explore the depths of our inner existences

me: we find a same soul that binds our bodies to one. and you fill me and i fill you and we are hollow no more. "us" is enough to make up for the emptiness in this world


i wish to make such kind of poetry with you...


05.08.09 (catatonic)


ok, let's start this ranting:

this is the new book i am reading courtesy of jeff. i read perhaps 20-30 pages a day, then my mind goes blank. it's not like i'm reading umberto eco and my mind shuts down because i cant make out his metaphors, but something like every character introduced gets summarily executed, or worse, tortured in various creative manners.

it has a very interesting plot though. the story revolves around rudolf hess, adolf hitler's deputy in the nazi party during world war II and his mysterious flight to scotland in the year 1941. after being detained by the four powers (us, uk, soviet union and france) in berlin's spandau prison for ages, he dies with an electric chord tied around his neck.

in the novel, hess, who was known as prisoner #7 and the last of the prisoners of spandau prison was a double. he left a cryptic letter narrating the events as well as the reason for the trip to scotland and how his confession can change history as we know it.

i am now torn between reading the historical account first so at least i know what happened (this is utterly debatable, of course) and finishing the blasted novel so i can move on with my reading list. decisions, decisions, decisions...

______________________________________________________________

i finally got to watch x-men origins: wolverine. i liked the action part of it. the effects are totally awesome. but the story was quite boring. i'm not really an avid fan so i haven't read the comics yet but i think marvel could've done better. i especially cringed when logan found kayla dead and the camera zoomed out on him, with him holding the love of his life and screaming at the top of his lungs.

so why did i bother? here's why...

'nuf said...