if you forget me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.


~pablo neruda

last dance

this is the part when i get to realize that i am alone in facing what lies ahead.
no more shoulder to cry on, no more words of comfort.
i will cry my cries alone, and finally come face to face with my demons.
perhaps only then i can sleep better at night...

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

~Ludwig Van Beethoven 1827

your silence, and perhaps mine...

"when you come down, nothing seems worth saying, nothing at all. you find the nothingness wrapping you up, like a sound. non-being. you can't keep it up, of course. the world rushes in soon enough. what shuts you up, i think, the sight you've had of perfection: why speak if you can't manage perfect thoughts, perfect sentences? it feels like a betrayal of what you've been through. but it fades, you accept that certain compromises, closures, are required if you're to continue."

~allie in salman rushdie's "the satanic verses"

sometimes it happens

(sometimes it happens and we can't do anything about it. maybe we can do something but we refuse to act against circumstances. but who are we to judge one's persons decisions? we hurt, and pray that we get to move on soon... but we can never hide a brooding emptiness that sits on our navel, eating us whole. hopeful and faithful to survive death. praying for the serenity to emerge from drowning)


And sometimes it happens that you are friends and then
You are not friends,
And friendship has passed.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself.

And sometimes it happens that you are loved and then
You are not loved,
And love is past.
And whole days are lost and among them
A fountain empties itself into the grass.

And sometimes you want to speak to her and then
You do not want to speak,
Then the opportunity has passed.
Your dreams flare up, they suddenly vanish.

And also it happens that there is nowhere to go and then
There is somewhere to go,
Then you have bypassed.
And the years flare up and are gone,
Quicker than a minute.

So you have nothing.
You wonder if these things matter and then
As soon you begin to wonder if these things matter
They cease to matter,
And caring is past.
And a fountain empties itself into the grass.

-- Brian Patten

comforting sadness

i am a woman
to which i owe that i know
myself more that anyone else

that i can dine with Happiness
and spend afternoons
sipping coffee consumed by
my longing and completeness

and most of all

to comfort Sadness the only way i know how

alone
at last
again

for i will give up everything
just to have your presence replace
my fingers that enter the
folds of my soul

and to drown you when i
spread my limbs to the ends of the
world
as i hang on to your teeth when

you come
when i come
if i come

come as i till the soil of my earth
come as you stroke the branch that
tips
to the
ground

perhaps this is the only way we know
how to make love

no love,
this IS the only way we CAN
make love

curse the distance
curse the cold screen
curse the absence that lingers
in the cables that attempt to
connect us
the empty room that affirms
we are apart

but you come
and i come

and somehow, Sadness has been
comforted today

till tomorrow love,
till tomorrow